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And even though you haven’t actually had a drink you’re still going to suck on pennies like they’re Jolly Ranchers because what if that time you faked taking a sip, a little bit of beer actually hit your mouth and now it’s on your breath and maybe that will show up and then you’d get a MIP and be kicked off the basketball team and then your life would be over because you couldn’t play college ball after all

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Roughly chop the cilantro and slice the scallions

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